On the spur of the moment one day so very long ago I decided that a new computer was in order.  And so, without hesitation (or trepidation!) I took the advice of some very wise counsel and decided that maybe, after all, I could use a new computer.  And for once, I did not quibble about the price, features, or expandability of the system that I was offered while reclining in the Intensive Care Unit of our local Clear Lake area hospital near Houston!  That was on Thursday evening, July 29th 1999, and following a short visit to the emergency room the cardiologist assigned by my HMO offered the wise counsel.

Throughout that Thursday evening and the following Friday morning I had several "episodes" where my heart stopped for a few seconds and I made a short journey through time and space to the doorway of the Great Computer in the sky.  Each time I was able to return to my physical body, assisted by the electronic equipment and the hospital staff gathered about me.

One 20 second episode remains clearly in my mind when I was aware of a tunnel of light just beginning to form around me and heard my name being called repeatedly.  I awoke to discover two nurses on my left side, one with a very large syringe containing a very large needle that was used to inject atropine into the IV tube, and the other holding two paddles from the crash cart nearby... the heart monitor display was flat lined.  The four other ICU nurses were about my bedside calling my name.

As I looked beyond my room toward the nurse's station I suddenly became aware of a radiance of pure love emanating from everyone I saw...  the nurses, the physicians, the passers by. There was a translucent appearance with a metallic sheen to everything and everyone within my view.  Was this the influence of nearby angels?  Was this what is meant by unconditional love?  I do not know.  I cannot describe it to you... it defies expression.  There was no sense of a separate self.  It was a moment of altered reality with no time or location... only an indescribable oneness.

My assigned nurses, first Phillipena and then later Lilly, remained by my bedside and we talked throughout the night.  They seemed to know I was fearful of falling asleep because all of the heart failures occurred only during sleep.

I was taken to surgery at 1:00 p.m. on Friday, July 30th, and emerged at 4:00 p.m. with the new computer they called a pacemaker.  I awakened during surgery after two hours and lay quietly during the remaining hour listening as the OR staff and Dr. Hamer completed the implant.  The pacemaker is a dual lead unit with the tip of one lead positioned in the right atrium and the tip of the other lead located in the right ventricle.  It is located just beneath my left collarbone and constantly monitors my heart, sending out pacing signals when necessary to meet my body's need for blood.

I insisted on being released on Saturday, July 31st, since it was my 44th wedding anniversary.  Saturday evening I enjoyed a large Outback steak with my most beautiful and wonderful wife, Corinne, and a new lease on life!

I have reason now to not only believe but actually know that it is not important who you are, how financially secure you are, what job you hold, what your status is in the community — none of this matters!  The ONLY thing that is important is how you treat others, in your thoughts, your words and your deeds.  That is the only thing you take with you.  It is the only thing that remains, be it good or ill.  I was reminded again and again that week that thoughts held in mind produce after their own kind.  So it is not only important what you say and do, but also what you think.  Forgiveness is the real purpose in life... to forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past and those that were given to you.

Once this light is seen it can never be forgotten.  I continue to experience moments of altered reality that are preceded by a sight,  a thought, a memory, a sound,  a general idea without specific reference  and sometimes even nothing at all when peace and forgiveness descend upon me and I am again offered the light...

50th Anniversary